WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
