Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
