when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
