Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
