Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
