dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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