he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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