When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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