Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
