so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
