I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
