Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The beer is more important than you right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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