i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
