If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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