There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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