Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
