How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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