Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
