The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
