We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
