Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
