A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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