Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
