Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
