Just fell off a train. Bad.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
