Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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