we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
