I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
