It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
