Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
