BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
