Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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