can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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