Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
