I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
