It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
