i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
