Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
