come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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