I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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