I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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