everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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