I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
