well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
