i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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