Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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