just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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