Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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