Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
