There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
