The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
