I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
