dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
