Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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