so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
