I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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