Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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