i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
