Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
