I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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