you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
