Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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