I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
