You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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