he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
