I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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