I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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