im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
