remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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