Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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