he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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