You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
