I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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