i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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