Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
