Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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