I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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