You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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